Cheating.... or am I?

Some may consider the way I've lost the weight this week as cheating... but fortunately enough I have dropped 7.6 pounds. I know that I'm sick and having problems with my gall bladder. But anyway possible... I will take a decrease in the scale. I really do feel awful, and then to be in the heat on top of it...... just terrible. I'm going through a lot emotionally right now as well as physically... so I'm not able to do what I planned with this journal. I can't really track true WW loss progress or activities, or even find any followers... but oh well... Maybe once I find out more about the surgery, I'll be able to do and prepare more for actually getting on board and following WW. But a loss is a loss and I will take it!

Today's News

Well, ideally today seemed like the perfect day to get started with WW and keeping points. At least I thought so. But last night I was in so much pain that I ended up in the Emergency Room. I was there until almost 3am. Then I went back this afternoon at 2pm....unallowed to eat anything after 8am. By the time I was out of the hospital after getting my ultrasound done, and waiting for the results... I was starving and did not care where I ate or finding out the point value involved.

So good news is... I know what is wrong with me. I know why I am in pain, and I know what needs to be done.

Bad News: I wasted a day that could have gone toward my first day of WW, and I also have to have my gallbladder removed. Lucky Me.

Things could be a lot worse. I didn't realize how dangerous it could be to have problems with your gallbladder as I am having. So, I was prescribed some pain meds until I can get into to see the surgeon about the task at hand. But in the meantime. I am going to work on making a list of foods that I can eat on WW, and won't irritate my already irritated gallbladder!

So I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better start. And I'm hoping to get OP (On Program) with my WW Adventure. I will probably even go as far as posting my dreadful measurements and my "before" picture. I am however really looking forward to doing WW. I know some other people that are also on it... so hopefully we can get OP together! It's always nice to have support!

I bought a little motivation book from WW at my first meeting, and the second motivation "shot in the arm" for today, was "Could you imagine what you can accomplish if you really put your mind into it" Now I can relate with this because the little story talked about what can be accomplished without really trying... and I always used this scenario with school. I didn't really study for the test but managed to get a B. Had I studied... I would've gotten an A. I guess it's the same with weight loss. Now without trying I can lose a few pounds here or there, but if I really put my mind to it and work on it. I could probably lose the weight consistently. Definitely something to think about.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. ~Mae West

I put my foot down today and decided that enough was enough. I got on the scale and saw that I am officially at the highest weight I have ever been in my 24 years of life. I cannot live like this any longer for more reasons than I can list.

1. I feel bad about myself: emotionally, mentally, and physically.

2. It takes more energy and more out of me to accomplish simple activities than it ever has.

3. I never feel good.

4. Nothing fits right anymore.

5. I'm unhappy with myself.

I had been trying to handle things on my own, however, I last a week or so and then don't see the results I want and then I quit. For one, I'm not big on dieting because I love to eat. Two, I am the girly-est girl I know and sweating is not in the regimen... I hate to exercise.

As of today, I officially became a weight watchers member. I'm hoping that I can regain some control over my eating habits, and hoping to get into a moderate level of activity. I just don't feel like myself anymore. When I look in the mirror I don't see me either. I see flab and everything I want to improve about myself. It's not so much about the looks really. I like to believe I'm attractive girl... but it's the way I feel. My back is bothering me.. I know its the weight. I really hate feeling like I have no energy at all... so I know it's time to make a life change. I see all the ads and commercials for WW claiming that it is a way of life. So maybe I can really get on board with it and have some success.

I did my weigh in and sat through my first meetings which I have to say was pretty insightful. It's all the things I know and have known for years, but it's a matter of putting the right rules to use and knowing that it's about limiting yourself not depriving. It's also nice to see a group of all kinds of people, different genders, races, shapes and sizes on the same page.... it's nice knowing there's people to turn to for support instead of people always competing.

I've struggled my whole life with my weight, so I know it's nothing I can change over night. I also know that I am an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, I eat to celebrate, I eat when I'm sad and feeling depressed. I eat when I'm angry, or stressed... and yes I even eat when I'm bored. This explains why I am where I am, other than being plain out careless. Naturally... I like everyone else want to look presentable and feel confident in myself... but really right now, I just want to feel better physically. I've never felt so "blah" until this very moment realizing all this extra weight I'm carrying around on my bones, joints, and organs. This is no kind of way to live.

I feel like I made the first step. I asked for help to get started. It's not an impossible task to accomplish. I've accomplished much harder in the years prior... so there's no reason for me not to be able to do this.

My first goal is 5% of my weight. That's 11 pounds. You don't have to be a genius to do the math and figure out the percentages and the total results of my shameful weight. However at this point. I'm going to keep that to myself. Later on as time and things progress. I will disclose the number.... but for now I am focusing on the 5%

My next meeting isn't until Tuesday, so this week I am going to focus solely on foods and getting together a proper menu. My next meeting is going to introduce exercising... so I will wait for that... but for now... healthier foods seems like a good start. It's hot and it's summer time, so fresh fruits and veggies seem like a tasty treat!