I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. ~Mae West

I put my foot down today and decided that enough was enough. I got on the scale and saw that I am officially at the highest weight I have ever been in my 24 years of life. I cannot live like this any longer for more reasons than I can list.

1. I feel bad about myself: emotionally, mentally, and physically.

2. It takes more energy and more out of me to accomplish simple activities than it ever has.

3. I never feel good.

4. Nothing fits right anymore.

5. I'm unhappy with myself.

I had been trying to handle things on my own, however, I last a week or so and then don't see the results I want and then I quit. For one, I'm not big on dieting because I love to eat. Two, I am the girly-est girl I know and sweating is not in the regimen... I hate to exercise.

As of today, I officially became a weight watchers member. I'm hoping that I can regain some control over my eating habits, and hoping to get into a moderate level of activity. I just don't feel like myself anymore. When I look in the mirror I don't see me either. I see flab and everything I want to improve about myself. It's not so much about the looks really. I like to believe I'm attractive girl... but it's the way I feel. My back is bothering me.. I know its the weight. I really hate feeling like I have no energy at all... so I know it's time to make a life change. I see all the ads and commercials for WW claiming that it is a way of life. So maybe I can really get on board with it and have some success.

I did my weigh in and sat through my first meetings which I have to say was pretty insightful. It's all the things I know and have known for years, but it's a matter of putting the right rules to use and knowing that it's about limiting yourself not depriving. It's also nice to see a group of all kinds of people, different genders, races, shapes and sizes on the same page.... it's nice knowing there's people to turn to for support instead of people always competing.

I've struggled my whole life with my weight, so I know it's nothing I can change over night. I also know that I am an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, I eat to celebrate, I eat when I'm sad and feeling depressed. I eat when I'm angry, or stressed... and yes I even eat when I'm bored. This explains why I am where I am, other than being plain out careless. Naturally... I like everyone else want to look presentable and feel confident in myself... but really right now, I just want to feel better physically. I've never felt so "blah" until this very moment realizing all this extra weight I'm carrying around on my bones, joints, and organs. This is no kind of way to live.

I feel like I made the first step. I asked for help to get started. It's not an impossible task to accomplish. I've accomplished much harder in the years prior... so there's no reason for me not to be able to do this.

My first goal is 5% of my weight. That's 11 pounds. You don't have to be a genius to do the math and figure out the percentages and the total results of my shameful weight. However at this point. I'm going to keep that to myself. Later on as time and things progress. I will disclose the number.... but for now I am focusing on the 5%

My next meeting isn't until Tuesday, so this week I am going to focus solely on foods and getting together a proper menu. My next meeting is going to introduce exercising... so I will wait for that... but for now... healthier foods seems like a good start. It's hot and it's summer time, so fresh fruits and veggies seem like a tasty treat!